so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
