I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
