clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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