hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
