Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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