This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
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you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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