I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm both gender and math confused
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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