My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
