sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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