My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
where am i from again
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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