Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
