I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
