i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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