Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
