U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
