I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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