No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
