high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I smell like Dick and happiness
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
