Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
