you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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