My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
