yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
