ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
