He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
