So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
