We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
