i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
