My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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