I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i drank out of a bidet.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
