dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize