I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
