This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
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you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
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WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.