Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..

(720): View more from Colorado

yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures

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(858): i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume.. (720): yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures http://tfl.nu/ebwm

Replies (7) Good night (2969) Bad night (565)
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(323): View more from California

I totes stole your whore crown.

(239): View more from Florida

With great power comes great responsibility.

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(323): I totes stole your whore crown. (239): With great power comes great responsibility. http://tfl.nu/gvmp

Replies (57) Good night (5910) Bad night (644)
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(913): View more from Kansas

I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.

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(913): I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough. http://tfl.nu/u5ru

Replies (26) Good night (697) Bad night (4092)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

Just got walked in on during safety inspections

(828): View more from North Carolina

Think you passed?

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(910): Just got walked in on during safety inspections (828): Think you passed? http://tfl.nu/r9km

Replies (20) Good night (3730) Bad night (1009)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.

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(604): She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows. http://tfl.nu/2hzy

Replies (8) Good night (1096) Bad night (3938)
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(420): View more from

then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"

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(420): then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman" http://tfl.nu/f59t

Replies (8) Good night (1894) Bad night (1416)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.

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(608): I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her. http://tfl.nu/42b2

Replies (6) Good night (3166) Bad night (813)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.

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(978): My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me. http://tfl.nu/a4fn

Replies (6) Good night (2388) Bad night (588)
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(365): View more from

As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.

(1-365): View more from

I was judging you.

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(365): As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over. (1-365): I was judging you. http://tfl.nu/3tin

Replies (3) Good night (3092) Bad night (468)
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(714): View more from California

Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made

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(714): Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made http://tfl.nu/j4f1

Replies (7) Good night (1644) Bad night (429)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?

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(978): do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man? http://tfl.nu/w8vx

Replies (7) Good night (1298) Bad night (309)
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(541): View more from Oregon

It's like the blind leading the senile over here.

(541): View more from Oregon

UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.

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(541): It's like the blind leading the senile over here. (541): UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili. http://tfl.nu/cgpf

Replies (7) Good night (1782) Bad night (940)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine

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(250): When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine http://tfl.nu/jea9

Replies (1) Good night (751) Bad night (347)
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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.

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(918): Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up. http://tfl.nu/f8tw

Replies (5) Good night (663) Bad night (364)
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(620): View more from Kansas

When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.

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(620): When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment. http://tfl.nu/putw

Replies (1) Good night (457) Bad night (248)

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