My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
where are you?
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.