he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
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man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
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You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.