I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
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Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house