Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place

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  (423) 2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place http://tfl.nu/hlr5
  Replies (4) Good night (3298) Bad night (945)
• Favorite

  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works

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  (601): I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works http://tfl.nu/8yse
  Replies (12) Good night (1171) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race

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  (207): she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race http://tfl.nu/f3bd
  Replies (17) Good night (586) Bad night (3373)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.

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  (602): you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer. http://tfl.nu/7uxe
  Replies (16) Good night (6111) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.

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  (256): I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me. http://tfl.nu/r79q
  Replies (14) Good night (1217) Bad night (5443)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.

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  (914): She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl. http://tfl.nu/b8qp
  Replies (35) Good night (11774) Bad night (936)
• Favorite

  (213): View more from California

  I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.

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  (213): I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on. http://tfl.nu/rma0
  Replies (21) Good night (6305) Bad night (1452)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?

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  (518): i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone? http://tfl.nu/iu7h
  Replies (11) Good night (1316) Bad night (2555)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.

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  (214): Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman. http://tfl.nu/itkd
  Replies (15) Good night (938) Bad night (3204)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Is my lip ring still in your hair?

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  (412): Is my lip ring still in your hair? http://tfl.nu/frbe
  Replies (5) Good night (807) Bad night (1794)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?

  (467): View more from

  I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Can you ship it to me then?

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  (317): I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink? (467): I moved out 2 weeks ago remember? (317): Can you ship it to me then? http://tfl.nu/bovq
  Replies (4) Good night (2412) Bad night (650)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control

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  (216): i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control http://tfl.nu/rhtt
  Replies (3) Good night (418) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.

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  (859): I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it. http://tfl.nu/qtph
  Replies (8) Good night (668) Bad night (415)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.

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  (330): the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica. http://tfl.nu/9g1v
  Replies (0) Good night (500) Bad night (259)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving

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  (562): I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving http://tfl.nu/yknu
  Replies (0) Good night (608) Bad night (160)

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