Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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