Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
