yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
