worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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