we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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