dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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