Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
