Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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