turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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