I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
