Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
