I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
