just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
