Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
