I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize