At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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