my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
