If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
