you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
