He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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