everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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