no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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