you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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