And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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