Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
