If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
