Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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