I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
