Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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