five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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