U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
