I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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