You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
