morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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