Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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