He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
