My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
