dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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