u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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