she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
