What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
