I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
