i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
