Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
