the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
